Completion

     

                We humans derive a peculiar emotional feeling from completion of a long term task or activity. The feeling is, at once, joyful and celebratory as well as of a melancholy sadness. I remember being told that my high school graduation would be one of the important events of my life. Graduating honorably, with good grades and with the benefit of a scholarship to look forward to just didn’t have the exuberant feel that I’d expected. It may have been that I was leaving behind all that was familiar and looking forward to new experiences I had not yet had not yet known, but the completion of my first 12 years of schooling left me with the conscious feeling of having been abandoned. It left me with a profound sadness that lasted until I was immersed in the next “thing”.

                Major events in our lives are relatively few: Marriage, birth of children, death of loved ones, completion of schooling or other training designed to give us a worthwhile livelihood, new employment and loss of employment, among others. Some of the these are happier than others, but I, for one, feel some trepidation with each.

                Trepidation after the birth of a child? The joy is undoubtedly great, but as the responsibility of raising that child descends there is a trepidation. It is perhaps borne of the humility we may feel over being entrusted with the physical and emotional and spiritual education of a human being….like being a partner with God. Trusted by him but perhaps not by ourselves.

                When I separated from the Army at my own request, the melancholic sentiment was nearly overwhelming. I left for a well-paying job and far better working circumstances, yet leaving the familiar surroundings that I had been nurtured in for 16 years felt was surprisingly difficult and deeply depressing.  On one day I was a respected senior officer and on the next I was unwanted and unwelcome. I could not even get in the gate without a sponsor. It felt like a betrayal.

                Obviously, the circumstances and the triggering notion in the examples above were different, yet, to me, they each harbored the sentiment of sadness at completion. A wedding should be overwhelmingly happy, but the uncertain and enthusiastic commitment of a life together coupled with the tension of the special day often overshadowed by the expectations of loved ones and friends and the desire for perfection in the ceremony and the reception are anticlimactic when it is all over. Maybe anticlimax is, in fact, the best description.

The feeling of completion in a major life event is much different than that associated with a short term accomplishment. Receiving a good grade, finding a bargain at the store, enjoying the success of a loved one, summiting a mountain on a day hike, or even the completion of a routine chore like mowing the lawn or painting the garage or even doing the dishes leaves us with the pleasure of success without the somber mood engendered by the completion of a major step that will change our life for better or worse.

Perhaps that is the answer. Most of us fear change despite the opportunity that it affords us. The constancy of the known which becomes commonplace in our lives is upset by the potential consequences of an event that might or might not throw our lives into turmoil; that may force us into making decisions that we would rather not confront because of the possible negative consequences that may result.

As I consider my own feelings and what I assume are those of most humans, I am, perhaps unfairly, judging the rest of humanity. I have no evidence that the rest of mankind suffers from my particular neurosis. I have known others that are not afraid to leap into the void of uncertainty. “Damn the torpedoes and full speed ahead”, is apparently the attitude of some, and it may be that devil-may-care sort of risk-taking is what the ultra-successful in our society possess. Did the President experience melancholia on winning the Presidency, or did he find the whole process nothing but invigorating?

It may be that aversion to risk-taking prevents us from being the best that we can be. Hopefully, our life experiences teach us that we can deal with difficulties and problems and enjoy the challenge of overcoming them. If risk aversion leads us to completely avoid a challenge, then we may never graduate from college, or move on to a potentially more rewarding job or form rewarding relationships that requires us to give of ourselves on a continuing basis. Maybe that is what separates the short term completion from the major one: That we must continue working every day to extend the completion…the winning streak…so that we may find ultimate success in life.